Dear Blog, sorry I've been cheating on you

Okay, blog. I admit it. I forgot you existed. I'm sorry! You see, there was this other blog....anyway, we won't go into the details. I'm not making any promises of paying much more attention to you, but at least I remembered you, right?

This semester has been crazy--it's already midterm! Yikes! But I thought I'd share a couple of the things that are helping me stay sane.

First--cooking! The reason I was alerted of this blog's existence again is because I made some delicious chili, and a friend asked for the recipe. She suggested I post it on my blog. "My blog?" I said, "Oh yeah..." So here's the recipe for chili and cornbread I made last week. Disclaimer: I don't claim to write a recipe blog--so this won't include any delicious looking pictures.

Weeknight Chili (Serves 6-8)
From Our Best Bites Savoring the Seasons cookbook

1 pound lean ground beef
1 medium onion, chopped (yellow or white)
1 green pepper, chopped (I used jalapeño instead)
3-4 cloves garlic, minced
1 (15-ounce) can light kidney, black, or pinto beans, drained
1 (14.5 ounce) can diced tomatoes, undrained
1 (8 ounce) can tomato sauce (I used a 15 ounce)
1 (15 ounce) can beef broth (substituted chicken broth)
1 tablespoon chili powder
½ teaspoon Italian seasoning
Salt and pepper, to taste
Tabasco sauce or cayenne pepper, to taste, optional
Shredded cheddar cheese and/or chopped white or yellow onions, for garnish

1.       In a large stockpot, brown the ground beef. When the beef is about halfway cooked, drain fat, if necessary, and then add onion, pepper, and garlic and cook until onion is translucent. Add beans, tomatoes, tomato sauce, broth, chili powder, and Italian seasoning and bring to a boil. Cover and reduce heat; simmer 20-30 minutes (or longer, if you have time). Season to taste with salt and pepper. If you want a little heat, add some Tabasco sauce or cayenne pepper.
2.       Garnish with shredded cheddar cheese or chopped onion, and serve with your favorite cracker.

Delicious, easy, and lots of leftovers!

Honey Cornbread Muffins
From foodnetwork.com

1 cup yellow cornmeal
1 cup all-purpose flour
1 tablespoon baking powder
½ cup granulated sugar
1 teaspoon salt
1 cup whole milk (or whatever milk you have…we used evaporated last time)
2 large eggs
½ stick butter, melted
¼ cup honey

1.       Preheat oven to 400 degrees F
2.       Into a large bowl, mix cornmeal, flour, baking powder, sugar, and salt. In another bowl, whisk together whole milk, eggs, butter, and honey. Add the wet to the dry ingredients and stir until just mixed.
3.       Place muffin paper liners in a 12-cup muffin tin. Evenly divide the cornbread mixture into the papers. Bake for 15 minutes, until golden.



Okay, last recipe. So the only time I'm really ever tempted to break the Word of Wisdom is when McDonald's starts advertising their Pumpkin Spice Latte. Guys. I love pumpkin. Not just love--I devour anything and everything that has pumpkin in it--especially if it includes chocolate! So, you can imagine my joy when I found this recipe on Pinterest today and gave it a whirl. YUM. The only thing that would make it better is whipped cream. And a fireplace. And fuzzy socks. And maybe if it was snowing outside (don't worry--I can wait for the snow, and make this again in December...or tomorrow.) Seriously so good!


Other things keeping me sane, in no particular order.
1. Harry Potter audiobooks read by Jim Dale. I listened to the entire 2nd book last week.
2. Dates with Nick. On Friday we saw the movie The Saratov Approach. It's about two LDS missionaries who were kidnapped and held for ransom in Russia in 1998. It was an incredibly intense and powerful movie. Go see it!
3. Diet Coke. And more specifically, Dirty Diet Coke. I'm not addicted, I can stop whenever I want...
4. Netflix & HuluPlus (okay, these might be keeping me sane, but they're certainly not helping me overcome my procrastination problem). Unfortunately, I'm hooked on like 75% of the shows that premiered this fall. Grey's Anatomy, Parenthood, Once Upon a Time, Dancing With the Stars, Bones, and The Mindy Project. I think that's it.
5. And last, but certainly not least. My family & friends! It's so wonderful to be close to family, especially now, when all of my siblings are currently living in like a 20 mile radius.

So even though I'm taking 5 classes, working 25 hours, commuting like 9 hours a week, and a million other things, life is good. How can I complain when it's the season of crunchy leaves, pumpkin flavored everything, and brisk fall air?!

See You Later

Yesterday was a bittersweet day, because it was filled with a lot of "lasts." It was my last Sunday at church before heading out to Salt Lake to be with my mom. It was my last day as a part of the Primary presidency in our ward. It was my last time teaching Sharing Time in said Primary. It was my last (regular, at least) "family dinner" at the Beytien / Beatse home. These things are what made it a bitter day, but they also made it sweet.

Instead of stressing about Sharing Time going well or keeping the kids' attention every second, I enjoyed teaching them about our Prophet and his relationship with the Savior. Instead of getting frustrated with misbehaving kids, I sat with them and enjoyed their energy and personality. Instead of taking a sigh of relief when the last kid left the Primary room after church, I felt immediately nostalgic and emotional. Instead of hurrying down the hall and out the door, I lingered, talking with teachers and fellow presidency members, not wanting to leave.

When I was first called to serve in Primary, I really wasn't all that thrilled. Our ward had just split, which made us a brand new one, needing all positions staffed. A good friend of ours had been called into the Bishopric, so we were all putting in requests (only partly kidding!). :) I told him I wanted to be in the Young Women, and please--not Primary! Like most situations in life, I didn't get what I thought I wanted. Never having been in Primary, at least not since I was a kid, it took awhile to get used to my new role. I slowly became more comfortable and began to really enjoy myself. I grew to love the kids in our ward. There's one boy, a 5 year old, who loves to give hugs. He doesn't always behave, and often needs reminding to be quiet, but when you walk in the room, he runs over with a big smile on his face and all but tackles you in a bear hug. There's a little girl (4) who has a lot to say, although most of it is totally off topic. She's absolutely hilarious. There are several kids who always surprise me with their insightful questions and answers, causing me to wonder if I knew that much about the Savior when I was their age. I am so grateful. Every once in a while, I've been blessed to feel just how much (at least how much is in my capacity to feel) Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ love these little children. They will make great adults someday, and I'm happy to have been a part of their lives for just a short time.

I also have been so blessed to develop great friendships with the other women in the Primary presidency. We are all very different, but together, we've done some amazing things. In their own unique ways, they are each amazing women, and I look up to them very much.

As far as my last "family dinner" goes, I don't even know where to begin. A little less than 4 years ago, I basically showed up on a doorstep, and was taken in with open arms. That first year I lived in Dubuque was one of the hardest in my life. I was a complete wuss and so, so very homesick. Very quickly, though, I became a part of a new family, even though I still missed my own. So many great things happened to me because of becoming a part of this family. I chose my career path, I learned a lot about the world of Autism and how wonderful it can be, I learned to make delicious new recipes, I (kind of) learned to quilt, I watched in awe (still learning this one) as my dear friends served others without regard to their own needs, without feeling as if they had ever "done enough." I met Nick. I learned I could do hard things. In the time since I first became a part of this family, we've added many more, and I've learned wonderful things from and developed great relationships with each of them, as well. My life is changed forever because of my experiences (then and now) in Dubuque. As my favorite song from Wicked goes,

 "I know I'm who I am today because I knew you....

because I knew you, I have been changed for good."

Cheesy, I know...but it's true. I could sing this song about so many people I've met here in Dubuque. I truly have been blessed.

As we start a new chapter in our lives this fall, I am so excited for the new adventures we'll have. Nick is starting a great new job that will help him to continue to learn and grow in new and challenging ways. I get to graduate from college and then start on a masters degree. We get to be in a new ward and community, meeting new people that will change us for good. We get to be closer to both of our families, making travelling down to Arizona much easier and MUCH less expensive. But just like yesterday, leaving Dubuque is bittersweet. Thank you so much to our wonderful friends here. We love you! Nick gets to hang out with everyone for a few more months, but for me, this is a "see you later."

And so it begins...

Now that the cat's out of the bag, so to speak, in the social media world, I thought I'd write a little about what's going on in our family recently. My mom has just been diagnosed with Stage 3A Non-Hodgkin's Diffuse Large B-Cell Lymphoma. How about that for a mouthful! At her request, my sister created a blog--one that we can all contribute to--in order to keep family and friends updated throughout the process of her treatment and recovery. Here's a link to that page, if you're interested in staying up to date!

So now for the hard part. The emotional part. As you can imagine, we've all been on quite the roller coaster the past few weeks, as the saga begins to unfold. For me, it started with a phone call a couple of weeks ago. My mom called me while I was at work, and left a message. "Hey, it's Mom, call me when you get a chance." Not thinking anything was out of the ordinary, I called her back as I pulled out of the driveway on my way home. She sounded upset when she answered and said she had to tell me something. Immediately I'm thinking something is wrong with my grandma or grandpa--I mean, they're the ones in their 80's, right? In the split second between that comment and the next, I'm thinking of a million things that could be wrong, but none of my imagined scenarios had anything to do with my mom's health. I mean, she's superwoman. If you know her, you know what I'm talking about. But I was wrong, because her next comment, with her voice shaky and heavy with emotion was, "I just went to the doctor, and I have cancer." I think my response was something like, "Are you serious?" Like she would be kidding or something. I can picture exactly where I was on the road, I can still recall how my stomach dropped into my shoes. It's amazing how, in just a millisecond, a bazillion things can go through your brain. So then, after a few haltering attempts at sentences and questions on my part ("What...? How...?"), she started to explain.

"I have a mass," she said, "In my stomach. They think it's Hodgkin's Lymphoma." Okay, I'm thinking, as I start to process, I've gotta find out as much as I can. At this point, there was still a lot of uncertainty in the diagnosis and treatment. A lot of "We'll know more after we do more tests" and "Once we know more, we'll put together a plan." I asked her what seemed like a million questions. "How did you know something was wrong?" "Have you been sick?" "Are you okay?" She told me that she hadn't been feeling sick (a surprise, but a positive, according to the oncologist), but she could feel the mass in her stomach.

After talking a little more, I hung up the phone. I was still about 10 minutes from home and wondered if I'd make it. I did--but barely. Thankfully, Nick was home when I got there and I just fell apart. (Well I guess I had already fallen apart...) The next couple of days consisted of a lot of crying, a lot of fear, and a lot of uncertainty. My amazing brothers, and so many others, have been with her at appointments and other times, helping her to process and move forward. One brother wrote this about the last couple of weeks.

Thankfully, things moved pretty quickly. The phone call was on Tuesday, she had a biopsy on Friday, results were in by Monday, and she was in with the oncologist the following Tuesday. This was such a blessing! The results of the biopsy confirmed that it was a lymphoma, but they'd have to do more tests on the cell sample to know exactly which type. Eventually, the diagnosis of Stage 3A Non-Hodgkin's Diffuse Large B-Cell Lymphoma was given. Here are the things we know about it.

• It's the most common type of Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma. It's also the most treatable.
• According to everyone she's talked to, it's the best kind of cancer to get--that is, if you have to have a kind of cancer in the first place.
• They treat it with intent to cure it, not just put it in remission.
• Success rates with these treatments are "officially" in the 60-80% range, but the oncologist said he thinks they're actually much higher.
• The mass in her stomach weighs close to 20 pounds! (Yeah, that's pounds, not ounces) The doctor is shocked that she's not in more pain, because it's interfering with a lot of her guts! :)
• They think it grew quickly, and when that is the case it usually responds quickly to treatment.

And the treatment plan. She'll have at least 6, maybe 8 3-week treatment cycles. The cycle will start with a day of chemo, a shot to increase her white blood cell production the next day, 5 days of a steroid pill, and then 2 weeks of recovery. After 4 treatment cycles, they will do all sorts of tests again to determine how things are going. She started her first treatment yesterday (here's a link to my sister's post about that), and it went really well.

The hardest part about this, for me (and I'm not the important one in this situation!), is coming to terms with the fact that my mom is mortal. My mom has cancer. My mom is 60,  looks like she's 45, incredibly healthy, and she's superwoman! She worked full time most of the time she was raising the hooligans that are her children. She supported (who am I kidding, she still does!) our family in so many different ways. She was on the board of the soccer league where we played, running tournaments, registration, and a million other things. She got 4 smart-but-lazy (varying degrees of laziness...) teenagers through high school. She's been Young Women's president, Relief Society president, and held various other time-consuming callings in her church throughout the years. She's been there for births, sicknesses, deaths, weddings, surprise birthday visits, and more in our family. You need something? She's there. It sounds cliche, but she really is one of my very best friends. I tell her everything. We cry together (if you know our family...you know that happens a lot!), laugh, celebrate, veg out on the couch watching HGTV and the Food Network.

As we've found out more, and now that we (Hallelujah!) have a plan, I've been more and more confident that she'll still be that person. This won't define her. The next few months are going to be hard. But, amazingly, within the next few months, most of our family is going to be back in Salt Lake, and near her, because of plans made long before the diagnosis. I thank my Heavenly Father everyday that He's prepared our family to handle this. Whenever I tell anyone about my mom, I always say something about how she's the toughest person I know. This won't be any different. She's going to kick cancer's butt, with the help of the many amazing people around her that love and care for her. She's in a fantastic ward that knows how to handle tough situations like this. We are part of a big, loud, loving family that is always there for each other, no matter what. She's worked at the same law firm for years. We grew up with the attorneys and staff that work there, and they love her, and are behind her on this, too. I've been amazed with the response to my sister's post of Facebook about it in the last 24 hours. We are so blessed, and we will beat this! I love you, Mom!

Happy 30th to Nick!

Nothing says, "I'm 30 and I'm awesome!" like a big ol' delicious pile of french toast for breakfast!

Happy Birthday, Nicholas. I love you to the moon and back and don't know what I'd do without you! 

Dove Beauty Sketches

Happy almost Friday!

I'm sure most of you have seen these ads floating around the internets recently, but I wanted to share it anyway! This ad had a powerful affect on me, and got me thinking a little more positively about myself. Unfortunately, I apparently didn't retain the information all that well, because yesterday I was pretty down on myself again.

Once upon a time, when I was playing two sports in high school and could eat whatever I wanted, I never understood how people could go days, weeks, months without exercising at all. During the off-season my mom would frequently say to me, "You need to go for a run, you're being bratty." It was true! I exercised so much that when I didn't, it really affected me. Now though, in my oh-so-wise-old-years, I have found it's in fact very easy to go days, weeks, months without exercising. Whoops. I used to LOVE to run. It was therapeutic for me, and a great way to clear my head. Now I don't like it so much. Why? Because I'm out of shape and it's HARD! I don't have time to think anymore between the huffing and puffing. I'm trying though! Last weekend, I had a good run/walk on the treadmill at the gym since it's raining miserably outside and has been for days. Despite plans of running all week to prepare for the Autism 5k in Bettendorf, IA on Saturday, I didn't until today. Whoops again! This morning, though, I had another pretty good run on the treadmill. Good by my new standards--at least that's what I keep telling myself! :) I have a hard time not getting down on myself...thinking, "An 11 min mile? What the heck!? I used to run a mile in 7!" But I'm getting there, and as the weather warms up, I hope will! find even more motivation to get out there and run.

#prayforboston

I've seen this picture all over Facebook and Instagram since the horrific events in Boston on Monday.



As I've contemplated this terrible tragedy, it's been extremely encouraging to read all the stories of the "helpers." Although, let's be honest, who knows if the random stories trending on Facebook are really true, but if they're not, I'm sure there a twice as many that we haven't heard that are actually true. In fact, here are a few examples from the Washington Post. As the stories continue to unfold over the next few days and weeks, I know I'll be looking forward to hearing them. It gives me hope to know that even though there are people capable of such horrific acts in this world, there are and always will be more people who are good.

This act of terrorism is almost impossible to comprehend. Unfortunately, we live in a world where unfathomable events happen far too often. My hope is that, despite the frequency of these terrible events, we as a country-as a human race-won't become desensitized. We may learn to be better equipped to process and deal with the emotions we feel, but we cannot let ourselves think this should be expected. We must continue to fight for the safety of our country and of our world.

My thoughts and prayers are with the runners, spectators, law enforcement, first responders, hospital staff, those injured, their families, and the families of those who lost their lives. I can't imagine what they're going through, but I can send my love and support their way.



Decisions, Decisions...

I’ve thought about starting a blog several times in the last few months, but I always push the thought away. What would I write? And who would want to read it anyway? After months of ignoring the thought, I'm finally giving in. It can be a good journaling tool for me, even if nobody does read it! I used to write in my journal incredibly faithfully, but my entries have slowly started getting less and less frequent, and I really don’t write all that often anymore at all anymore. Now I have all these journals stockpiled on my desk and I don’t know what to do with them! I also really love to write and hope some practice will help me improve. So hopefully you find my musings at least somewhat amusing. (I know what you're thinking..."I see what she did there." So clever.) :) 

We’ve recently been going through many steps toward making some big changes in our lives. Announcement! No, we're not having a baby. Nick has accepted a new position in Utah (can’t say where yet!) that we are so very excited about! We are so stoked to be closer to both our families and back near our beloved mountains! It will also be so hard for us to leave Iowa. Despite being where we met (which is obviously a big deal!), Dubuque has been a really important chapter in both of our lives, and we will miss our beautiful Midwest home and our wonderful friends. We’re excited to move, of course, but holy cow! This whole big change thing makes for a lot of work, and a lot of decisions. Where to live, where to go to school, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.

Speaking of school, another great thing about our upcoming move is that I get to finish my undergraduate degree on campus. Wahoo! Online classes are a great resource for a lot of people, but I have found that they are not for me. I’m not motivated enough to work that hard, I guess, but when did I ever think I would be? I only have 25 credits (insert happy dance here!) left until graduation, thankfully, but I’ve been exploring a few different options for finishing my degree. The shortest route is to stay at Utah State and finish it out, but that means commuting to Logan (yuck!). Another option I explored was to transfer to the University of Utah. This would add a few more credits, but A LOT more time because of their course schedule. Yet another option I explored was BYU (also yuck!).

I’m not sure why I hate the idea of going to BYU so much. I’ve always been a Cougar sports fan, and my dad, sister, and brother-in-law (not to mention my HUSBAND!) all attended there. It’s a great school, and cheap, too. After really struggling with even considering attending BYU, I figured out what my problem is with it. I hope this doesn’t sound self-righteous or prideful or whatever, but hey, this is my “journal” so I can say what I want. :) So much of my identity has been shaped by my attempt to stay away from the typical Utah Mormon stereotype. (so much for that, Miss Mrs. I-got-married-at-21) I love Utah. I especially love Salt Lake and the neighborhoods where I grew up. I think that because of those neighborhoods and the schools I attended, I don't think I've had the typical Utah Mormon experience. I celebrate that! I know many people are in the same boat as I am, so I don’t want to make this sound as if my experiences are somehow unique, but in comparison to many other people, I think they are. Because of the schools I went to growing up, I have had a lot of experiences in really diverse environments. I have come to love and admire so many people who have totally different backgrounds than my own. Since moving to a smaller town, I really miss that! Like, desperately. My life is made so much richer by these people. What scares me about attending a school like BYU is all the sameness, and I guess I don’t trust myself to stay true to who I am and want to be when there are so many social pressures to be a certain way. And I could be way off base here. In fact, I probably am. I probably sound like a jerk. I’m sure there are many environments within the school that are diverse, and that’s great! But I decided it wasn’t right for me. And besides all that, finishing my degree there would add a whole lot more credits, and credits=time!

Anyway…tangent. Eventually, after some surprisingly really negative experiences dealing with the University of Utah, and the prospect of unnecessary extra time, I’ve decided that I’ll commute to Logan (still yuck!). Thinking of all that time in the car is NOT exciting to me, but thinking of graduating in a little more than a year and starting grad school sooner is!

See ya in August, Utah!